summer- blech

I’m no good in the summer.  It’s too hot, too smoggy here in Riverside, it gives me a constant headache for weeks at a time.  I’ve never been a desert or river rat, I’m so white that I go from white to red in the blink of an eye.  Also, having the summer off from school leaves me with nothing to do.  I was thrilled when Serrano switched from traditional to year round school because those 3 months were too long for me to be off all at once.  I’m easily bored with no task at hand, which leads me to sit around doing nothing (usually being too broke to go gallivanting around), which leads me to moping, which leads to depression, which leads to bad bad things. 

So, year round school saved me from summers of misery…. But now, here I am, 36 faced with a whole empty summer ahead of me. 

I'd love to be able to go to baseball games galore, but that's not feasible.  I could spend time down in the SD, but that's not really practical.  There are a ton of projects I could work on, but then it feels like I'm spending too much time around the house... which could be a problem. 

I do need to orgainze my office area, but that requires either a cool-ish day or running the AC which means a higher electric bill... however, it simply must be done.  Well, that's one day.

You have to understand, most of my friends work regular monday to friday jobs, and most of them have families that they spend their evenings with... I'm the oddball who suddenly finds herself with a summer vacation.

Looking back there is a clear solution.... I should have signed up for summer school. *sigh* now I know for next year!

nothing is the same

I drove to Highland today to get my hair cut by the fabulous Helen, who happens to be the mom of one of my old students.  She always catches me up on all the haps in town, and how my old kids are faring.  As I drove back home to Riverside it hit me how different.... how COMPLETELY different my life is compared to when I taught at Serrano. 

I saw the Starbucks that Jerry works at, and remembered him as an awkward, confused 7th grader, the McDonalds Jerry insisted on stopping at when I was bringing him home from summer school, Helen reminded me of the minor scandel at Serrano when Paul got athlete of the year instead of Andy... and taht was just the work related stuff. 

While I'm still friends with most of the people I knew at Serrano, on facebook anyway, my whole lifestyle, my priorities, everything is changed.  I can't imagine going back to the way my life used to be.  I do still see a few VERY IMPORTANT people from that time in my life, but it's in a new way. 

It's like I've pro- and re- gressed at the same time.  Sometimes I feel like I live like a college student (which is what I am, but you know what I mean).  Living in a little apartment with my roommate, doing homework, going to the library, being broke all the time.  But other times I feel like very old.  I look back through my life and see how many times I've struggled and how much I've overcome.

I'm clearly in a new chapter of my life, one I'm really enjoying.  I've lived the high life and know for sure that money does not buy happiness.  But not everyone is as thrilled with my new life as I am.  Honestly, however, I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks.  If my family can't support what I'm trying to do, that's too bad for them.  This is what I should have done 15 years ago instead of being miserably married and settled on a teaching job because that's what was expected. 

Just the other day my sister said, "I'll be glad when this chapter of your life is over and you're onto better things."  But I'm loving this chapter.  Just last night I barbequed with my crazy downstairs neighbors, nothing big, but it was a great time.  I can appreciate the simple things so much, no need for pomp and circumstance. 

So, take a moment to enjoy those simple little things today, toadstools growing up through the grass, the feel of the breeze in your hair, valuable old friends, and great new ones.  <3